Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
