You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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