Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
