Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
