we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize