He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
