STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize