You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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