Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
