Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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