Got a toothbrush?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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