Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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