omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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