Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
