There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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