No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
