this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
