Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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