When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
