I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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