Your dad touched me again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
