Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
