Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
