I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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