Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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