i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
