Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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