are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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