chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
