Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
