I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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