whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
