I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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