Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
