dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
