Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
