remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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