my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
