his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
