It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
