True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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