she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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