I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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