even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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