I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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