My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
