capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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