I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize