watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
