she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
