So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
