My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
