Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
