You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
