sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
