Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
