Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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