my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize