Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
