I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
