I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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