When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
