The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
