The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
