Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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