what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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