Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
